In my work with women over the past decade, three fallacies stand out as the prime killers of women’s turn-on. And they all have to do with time.
So think about your life now.
What causes you stress around time?
Because we think there’s not enough of it,
or that we always need to do more to move up the ladder,
or just because there’s just too damn much to cram into every day,
We run to the car or bus (and not just to burn a few extra calories).
We leave too little time between appointments, and then speed in a frenzy to get there.
This adrenaline driven life isn’t what allows for our feminine flow.
Then we resort to coffee and chocolate get us through the day when energy inevitably drops.
By dinnertime, there’s really nothing left for anyone, least of all, ourselves..
So today, experiment with not rushing.
Give yourself more spaciousness…
...permission to live like a queen instead of a slave to your life.
Multi-tasking is natural to the feminine. In pre-historic times,
women needed the capacity to nurse the baby, tend the fire, and keep an eye out for the cougar that lived just over the hill.
That ability to do so many things at once
Is what makes us so good at life.
But we’ve taken this too far.
We’re driven to pile more and more on ourselves, not wanting to waste a second!
Talking to a friend on the phone… but also eating lunch… and scanning FB … and… and…
Watch how uncomfortable you may feel to just eat when you eat.
How tempted you are to pick up a magazine or book.
To do so many things instead of being fully present in this moment, in your senses.
Make eating an experience of pleasure,
Enjoying the tastes, textures and color of your food.
instead of allowing your pleasure to be diluted by distractions.
Because we are women, our estrogen encourages us to connect.
We are constantly looking out for the benefit and wellbeing of those around us.
That natural tendency makes life beautiful.
It’s what provides the glue and joy for friendships and family.
It’s who we are. We value our connections to others.
But too often women find their identity in giving to others.
Constantly scanning for what else is needed.
Concerned most with everyone else’s welfare…
before we even consider what we might actually need.
Or maybe you give yourself the mani/pedis, the spa treatments.
But really… do these really address your deepest needs?
I know, I love the pampering, too. It’s fun and feels good.
But I watch how easy it is to do those things and not really listen to what I most need.
For time in nature.
Those deeper needs we may not even notice in a day that’s so full,
when we’ve been pushing so hard, rushing so much, multi-tasking all the time.
By the evening, when we’ve taken care of every one else’s needs, we collapse.
There’s no chance to actually find real pleasure.
We’re deaf to our bodies’ calls.
So what can we do?
Here’s my suggestion….
All through the day, there are opportunities to stop…
Just for two breaths or 10 seconds.
To notice the beauty around you.
To notice the silhouette of a bare tree trunk against the winter sky.
To notice the quality of light,
The beauty of life around you.
This is where pleasure happens.
And what can bring feminine balance to a crazy, full-on, hyper-masculine life.
Then the rest of life has the possibility to be full of a moment-to-moment pleasure we are starved for.
When we give ourselves these moments to stop.
To actually feel and sense what is happening right now.
To find the pleasure that’s actually there…
Then we have a richer experience of our lives.
We are more in our feminine.
We can enjoy life more.
And we have much more, in the end, to give to others.
Brilliant women... please let me know in the comment section below how you manage these pesky habits. How are you restraining the urge to RUSH? What are your go to tactics for getting your MULTI-TASKING to serve your feminine? And... how are you bringing moments of attention and JOY into your day to day lives? I can't wait to being this conversation.
Mary is an intimacy coach, sensuality educator, spiritual counselor, and writer who leads retreats around the globe and privately coaches women and couples. All at the intersection of the sacred and the senses.