Like those great sandals you've loved all summer…
Or the childhood friend who doesn’t quite fit anymore…
Or even the meditation practice that's taken you deeper than you would have imagined not that long ago…
Sometimes it’s time to say goodbye.
Sometimes a conscious leave taking is appropriate.
It clears the decks for what’s been wanting to come in, but has no space.
In July I said goodbye to an old way of being. I knew it was time. But I needed a kick in the pants. I said yes to a week away with a brilliant shaman, Rose Khalsa, and gave myself the gift of a vision quest.
I already had a vision for my life. What I was questing for was a clearer view.
And that’s what happened as I lay on my sheepskin for three days, doing very little, looking up through the branches of beech and maple to clouds floating past in a perfect azure sky. Reviewing my life. And opening to Wisdom.
The message that came to me again and again, the one I often just can’t hear through the distracting noise of my constant busy-ness was this:
Relax, Dear One. Drop the struggle. You don’t need to try so hard. Receive the nourishment that’s poured out for you. Everything you need is here, and more.
WHAT?!! ”But I have so much to do! If I don’t do it for myself, who’s going to give me what I need? Where am I going to find the time to do something else?”
But it was my body that registered the first message as wisdom. I couldn’t ignore it. There was this deeper layer of what I’ve been teaching and preaching for ages. The essence of the feminine IS to receive.
We just don’t know how anymore.
(My Dears, don’t be fooled. The feminine has very little to do with what we think of as femininity, at least in our culture. I wasn’t wearing frilly dresses and high heals out there in the woods.)
You see, every day we live primarily in our masculine energy. Doing. Achieving. Being productive. Getting to the goal, only to drop into bed, exhausted. Even on our days off, we have our lists. On vacations we pack the days. Then we numb out so we don’t feel how deeply discontented we are. It’s clear this isn’t working. We just don’t know another way.
But there IS another way. And it involves learning how to receive again.Maybe just for three breaths. From the sun. From the morning’s chill. From this moment’s pleasure, often found right here in our bodies. When we listen.
This is the message that’s been pouring itself into my book since July. Along with the practices to help us all remember... Remember how to live in the joy of our feminine. And still make life work.
Saying goodbye to struggle starts when you decide to balance the effort you expend with one moment's pleasure. Maybe right now?
On this one in-breath, receive the scent of your coffee, the crunch of buttered toast, tonight’s luminous almost-full moon. Please, Dear Woman, don’t put off taking in all the joy you’re starving for until everything else is done.
Don’t deprive yourself by trying to push through. When you feel depleted, just stop for 10 seconds! Look, listen, taste.
If this sounds too simple, well... it is! Receiving is what we’ve been waiting for. It’s totally natural to us.
The hard part is saying goodbye to the old habit of pushing it all away. We know that path so well. It’s often in the struggle that we feel worthwhile.
That’s why we need reminding. And why I offer my work. Message me if you’d like a helping hand.
In whatever way suits you, join this revolution. Take back the pleasure you were meant to know and live. It's just one decision, right now.
Mary is an intimacy coach, sensuality educator, spiritual counselor, and writer who leads retreats around the globe and privately coaches women and couples. All at the intersection of the sacred and the senses.